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1) You Will Feel Double Guilt<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Working mom guilt comes in two parts, and I’m not sure which is worse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first is the guilt that you’re leaving your tiny adorable completely dependent little baby in someone else’s care, the second is that secretly you can\u2019t wait to getaway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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There I’ve said it.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I love my baby, but I also love time away from her. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I never appreciated the bliss of being able to eat lunch with two hands until it was taken away, nor did I realise how much I enjoyed adult conversation until I spent all day, every day with incoherent babbling. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does this make me a bad mother? Perhaps. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have found that being back at work has forced me to be more present and engaged in our time together. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I was on maternity I was always trying to get this and that job done. Now our time together is reduced I make a real effort to make it special and fun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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2) You Now Leave On Time<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

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This part gets me some redemption for my previous point. As much as I love time away, my heart ACHES<\/em><\/strong> for my little girl by the end of the day.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m usually ok in the morning, but as the day goes on I find myself looking at the clock more and more. I think about her and what she\u2019s likely doing, is she missing me…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And oh my life, the sheer fear of missing bedtime! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That I might get home and she\u2019s already clocked out for the night tears me to pieces. I usually get home around 8 pm so I know eventually I\u2019ll start missing bedtimes, but god I hope it’s no time soon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A side effect of this has been I organise my time so much better at work. I find slots in the day to do my calls, and finish my notes instead of leaving them till the end of the day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Suddenly, after nearly a decade of never leaving work on time, I am almost never late out the door. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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3) Pumping At Work Is A Pain<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

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Pumping at work is getting on my last nerve. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve tried a few different pumps now and come to the conclusion that no amount of padding will make having fluid suction pumped out of my nipples an enjoyable experience<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m very fortunate to have my own office to pump in, and a small close-knit team I don\u2019t feel uncomfortable about popping in mid-session. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I do find infuriating is having to take the time out of my day. I\u2019m pretty speedy but by the time I’ve got it out of the fridge, attached to me, pumped for 10 minutes, decanted the milk, detached it from me and put everything back in the fridge I’ve lost at least 20 minutes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every. Few. Hours.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m chasing my tail every day trying to make up that loss of productivity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I did try to reduce the frequency of sessions but I ended up with rock hard lumps in both boobs and a fear of mastitis has stopped me from trying that again.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know how long our breastfeeding journey will last, but the global average of 4 years seems unrealistic at this stage. I\u2019ll keep you posted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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4) You Are Not Prepared For The Extreme Tiredness<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n